2023-04-10

I can't fucking sleep. Had caffeine way too late and now I'm up in the wee hours of the morning with a long day of work ahead. Procrastinating on damn near everything in my life. It's a wonder I'm even working on this website at all. in fact, my brain is so fried I'm having trouble coming up with things to write here. I would word vomit all my frustrations and problems, but I'd probably end up sharing easily identifiable information and full doxxing by accident.

Ah hell, the lack of sleep isn't the problem — it was the blank canvas dilemma. I couldn't think of anything to write up until now. Let's unpack by paranoia around doxxing.

The first and foremost reason for why I worry about doxxing: I'm fucking embarrassed. Embarrassed about where I am in life. Embarrassed about what I've amounted to. Embarrassed about the fact that I am exactly where I am in life. And that is 100% a consequence of the poor decisions I've made. I'd loooove to blame my parents, society, God, FATE, or SOMETHING for my circumstances, but that would be a bold-faced lie. Areas like finance, physique, and skillset are all, in my estimation, not up to par. It's utterly embarrassing. However, I recognize that this it is entirely up to me to change; despite whatever sad, self-loathing thoughts